[Evelyn Winters]

Evelyn slept better than she had in years. No nightmares, not even a dream. Not once was she roused during the night, flinching up in bed, covered in cold sweat, grabbing for a knife as if she were about to be attacked. No, tonight was a peaceful night. The first one she’d had since Axel’s death. She didn’t even remember falling asleep. She was simply enveloped in this absolute nothing that she didn’t realize she’d been craving for so long. It was bliss.

This bliss was somewhat interrupted as she felt something move; her limbs jostled slightly. She groaned and curled up into herself. She didn’t want to get up. Not yet. She held onto that peaceful darkness and she held on tight. She willed her mind back to sleep, back to that unconsciousness that had evaded her for so long. She didn’t dare open her eyes, trying to lull her mind back to tranquility.

Unfortunately, her mind rejected her attempts to quiet it. Once it was awakened, it seemed, it stayed awake.

The scent of coffee was what finally stirred her from her attempted rest. This was odd. Evelyn didn’t drink coffee. She didn’t want to poison her mind with caffeine (ironic, considering what had just happened the night before), and she’d never gotten accustomed to the bitter taste. At first, this confused her. Then, it worried her. She was not in her trailer. Her eyes shot open. Where was she?

She was on a floor, in an apartment. She propped herself up on her arms, seeing a familiar short woman in the kitchen. Memories came flooding in from last night. She got drunk. Really drunk. And then she’d met Sonnet; they went back to her apartment, ordered pizza, and then…

And then...

Wiping away a bit of drool that had dribbled down her cheek, she stood up with a groan and put a hand up to her head. She had a massive headache. Her head hadn’t felt like that since the last time she was put on medication. She stumbled as she stood. It was too bright. Everything hurt.

”Hey,” she grunted, not sure what else to say. She’d never kissed someone before. She’d never done anything romantic with anyone before. She didn’t know how to react. She didn’t even know how far they’d gotten. Memory got a bit fuzzy after some time in her embrace. They were together, and then she woke up. She was still clothed, so she assumed nothing had gotten too physical. She doubted, even in her inebriated state, she would’ve allowed that. Her asexuality was something ingrained deep inside of her. Though she was learning that she may not be aromantic…

She felt her stomach move. ”Where’s your bathroom?” she asked, her blank face and monotone returned. She didn’t need to vomit at the moment, but she knew she likely would soon, and she didn’t want to vomit on the floor of a woman she’d just made out with.

She needed to parse those feelings before she did anything. She didn’t know how Sonnet felt about what happened. She hoped her relative silence would allow Sonnet to reveal her feelings about last night without Evelyn needing to reveal her own confused emotions.

Sonnet Matsuda

[Sonnet Matsuda]

Shortcut My childhood spat back out the monster that you see + Evelyn Winters

The sound of a groan from behind Sonnet makes her raise her head, though she does not turn around. Instead she busies herself with the coffee maker, pulling out the jar of coffee and carefully spooning out the correct amount into the machine. Clicking the container back into place, she pressed the power button, the machine buzzing as it began it's process. The simple movements had proved distracting, but now they were over, at least until fresh coffee had been produced. Then she would at least be able to distract herself further by pouring it out. Unfortunately Evelyn speaks before then. Sonnet turns a little, enough to catch a glimpse of Evelyn now on her feet. She halts, turning her gaze away and towards the bathroom to hide her colouring face. Instead she gestures down the corridor. Her voice is always husky thanks to the scar at her throat, but even so there is a catch as she speaks. "That way, second door on your left." It seems that Evelyn is not immediately interested in sparing Sonnet from her company. Finally the coffee machine clicks, and Sonnet pours two cups. With little choice in the matter she turns back to face her guest, placing a filled coffee cup on the kitchen island and pushing it in the taller woman's direction. "Coffee." It's not a question, and the statement seems to break the silence in a way their previous words had not. There is still an awkward air in the room. She glances up at Evelyn, finding the woman's face blank, betraying nothing of her emotions. Sonnet looks away, finding her eyes drawn into the inky blackness of her own coffee before her. She takes a sip, "About last night..." She trails off. She doesn't particularly want to face the events of last night, but it is probably better that she clears it up now, before things can escalate. After all it was just a drunken mistake. Right? "I'm sorry about what happened. I was drunk... it... won't..." She glances up at Evelyn's blank face, wishing she understood what was going on behind that scarred mask. "It won't happen again."

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[Evelyn Winters]

She winced as the buzzing from the machine pierced into her skull, squeezing her eyes shut and holding her head. She had memories from last night of enjoying the effects of alcohol. She supposed the aftereffects were why most people did not partake in it regularly so heavily. She’d heard of hangovers, but never experienced them. She was quickly learning that they were not pleasant. Worth it? Perhaps. Though she wasn’t sure she shared that sentiment at the moment.

Evelyn followed Sonnet’s gesture toward the restroom with her eyes. She felt a wave of nauseous pass through her head and into her stomach. It wasn’t strong enough to warrant a trip to said restroom, but it was unpleasant. She figured there was a good likelihood these waves of nausea would only increase in severity, thus her request for the location of the toilet. She didn’t want to vomit on Sonnet’s floor.

She liked Sonnet.

With slight hesitation, she wrapped her hands around the cup Sonnet offered her, instinctually giving the coffee a sniff. With sobriety, her paranoia about food had returned. Still, something inside of her told her that any food or drink Sonnet offered her was safe. It wasn’t exactly trust, but it was a small step towards it. She gave the coffee a small sip, her slurp audible. When she didn’t taste anything suspicious, she took a heartier drink.

Her eyes didn’t leave Sonnet. She did not find the silence heavy or uncomfortable, though it seemed Sonnet did. Analyzing her body language - flushed cheeks, wandering eyes - it was clear that Sonnet felt uneasy.

Physical intimacy was something Evelyn did not understand very well. There was an emotional weight that came with physicality, a weight Evelyn felt to some degree, though likely not in the same manner Sonnet did. While she didn’t fully understand this weight, she liked it. It felt good. She didn’t have the time or the capability to think about the hows or the whys or even the whats, but it was a pleasant sensation, and thus not immediately worth questioning.

She blinked. “Why not? I enjoyed it.” She tilted her head to the side ever so slightly. “Did you not enjoy it?” She brought the cup up to her lips. ”I’m sure the alcohol may have factored somewhat into my enjoyment, but...I would like for it to happen again.” She spoke without thinking, taking a sip of her coffee. Her head was too heavy for proper analysis, but she knew that she enjoyed kissing Sonnet, and enjoyable acts were worth repeating.

Sonnet Matsuda

[Sonnet Matsuda]

Shortcut My childhood spat back out the monster that you see + Evelyn Winters

Sonnet blinks in surprise. The way Evelyn is speaking seems perfectly in keeping with the cold, calculated woman. She often came across as something of a machine, and not just because of her prosthetic limbs. The way she talks about the kiss now seems even more in keeping with that, commenting on it as if it is simply just another data input. Yet the meaning is out of character. "You…" Sonnet shakes her head in a vain attempt to clear the fog from her thoughts. The sharp motion has the opposite effect, sending a shooting pain through her temples. She pushes the coffee cup away from herself so she can drop her forehead onto the cool surface of the countertop. That isn't any help either. "You… uh… liked it?" Shaking her head, she turns away. She had definitely been expecting some other reaction. Something closer to how she is feeling herself right now. She was expecting disgust, revulsion, not this strange, quiet appreciation. Running her hands through her hair, she lets out a long breath. "The alcohol... yeah…" What they'd done last night… That had been wrong… Right? Shaking her head again, she winces as another lightning bolt sears through her skull and brings tears to her eyes. She catches sight of the katanakake in the mirror and suddenly finds the tears harder to blink away. Frustratedly she rubs the back of a fist against her eyes. "Again? No…" Two fists this time. "No it's… it's not… it's not OK. It's not OK…" She turns back around to Evelyn, but her eyes dance around the other woman, unable to land on her. Her eyes are red, and it's clear that it's not only from the hangover. "I should never have… How can you want..?" She had been more coherent last night when she'd been drunk. Now she's a mess.

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[Evelyn Winters]

Evelyn tilted her head to the side as she watched Sonnet, who clearly seemed to be having some sort of internal struggle. She wondered if the aftereffects of the alcohol were involved, if she, too, was dealing with the consequences of inebriation. Her reaction, however, seemed too animated to be the result of a hangover. If anything, her nervous energy seemed in direct conflict with the head pounding results of a heavy night of drinking. Odd. Very odd.

”I did like it. I thought I already stated that,” she said plainly. She was aware that enjoying romantic physical intimacy (or any kind of intimacy) was not particularly in character, but she was a dynamic person. Besides, she had...changed. She wasn’t actually sure how, but she felt different. Her defeat, her time in prison, it had rattled something in her, something she didn’t even know existed. She hadn’t taken the time to analyse this change. No, she was so terrified of it she decided to drown it in alcohol. But now, with the inebriation fading, and having experienced a night she never could have imagined, this metamorphosis was staring her right in the face, though her head was too heavy and muddled to deal with it.

”It’s not just the alcohol. It certainly brought down guards that would typically prevent me from partaking in such an act, but the act itself was enjoyable.” She took another sip of her coffee, watching curiously as Sonnet seemed to have a bit of a breakdown. She was very unsure of what was “not okay.” People were strange. Axel always seemed to understand the minds of others - how they worked and why. Evelyn never obtained this ability. Humans had always been something of a mystery to her.

She furrowed her brow ever so slightly. ”Are you crying?” There was the tiniest hint of concern in her voice. Why would Sonnet be crying? For perhaps the first time in Evelyn’s life, she’d had an interaction with someone other than her brother didn’t result in physical injury or death. Yet, despite the tenderness of their actions, Sonnet still seemed to be in pain.

She stared down at the cup for a moment, watching the steam coming off the coffee, doing her best to parse her muddled thoughts. Looking up at Sonnet, she realized that her pain caused Evelyn pain. She hadn’t experienced something like this since Axel. She held out a hand and walked toward Sonnet, aiming to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Sonnet Matsuda

[Sonnet Matsuda]

Shortcut My childhood spat back out the monster that you see + Evelyn Winters

She was crying, and it wasn't until Evelyn asked that the first tear escaped and began to trickle down her cheek. She brushed it away roughly.   "No."   It was a poor lie, but she managed to stifle the flow before it started. "It's just the hangover."   Evelyn's hand met her shoulder, resting there for just a moment before Sonnet shrugged it off. She hadn't wanted to, which was why she had to. As if to prove the lie of the hangover being the reason for her red eyes, she crossed to the sink, running the cold tap. It had the side benefit of moving her away from Evelyn as well.   The cold water did nothing for her mood, and little for the confusion running through her head. She'd been raised to think this was wrong, but it hadn't felt wrong when they'd kissed last night, it hadn't felt wrong when they'd fallen asleep in each others arms, and it hadn't felt wrong when they'd woken together. At least not until Sonnet had realised what had happened. "I just... I just need a minute OK?" Mathias would have told her to trust her gut. That advice was why things were going so badly for her right now. First she'd been beaten by a Hero, then she'd somehow gotten into the habit of taking in strays and feeding them. Business was down, and Kenshin was asking questions. All because she'd started trusting her gut. That damn priest. It would have been easier to hate him if she hadn't felt a difference. So maybe this wasn't totally wrong... "I'm... I'm sorry..." Her voice is slow, halting, as though she's struggling with the language despite her fluency. "This is just... new... to me..."

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[Evelyn Winters]

Evelyn was very good at picking out a liar. It was one of the first things the twins taught themselves. Axel picked up on it faster than Evelyn, obviously, but she soon caught up. It was a simple case of observing their eye line, their body language, their head movements. If possible, it would help to feel their heart rate, examine their breathing. With her intelligence and ability to pick up on small details, she could spot a liar from across the room.

Evelyn didn’t need to utilize these observational skills to tell that Sonnet was lying.

As her hand rested on Sonnet’s shoulder, she wondered what to do next. She had never learned how to comfort people. Sure, she’d comforted her brother on multiple occasions. He’d always been resistant to it; he always liked to act like nothing was wrong. But Evelyn always saw through his facade and knew just what to do to make him feel better. Though she doubted sparring or hunting (for animals or for people) would be the remedy to Sonnet’s (or most people’s) distress.

Thus, when Sonnet shrugged off her hand, she was somewhat relieved, but also confused, worried. Why would she not want her comfort? Sure, Evelyn had tried to stab her multiple times during their first encounter, but that was in the past; they were over that now. She watched as Sonnet moved to the sink and splashed cold water on her face. What was she supposed to do now? She didn’t like seeing Sonnet upset; she wanted to make her feel better, but she didn’t know how.

It seemed Sonnet was processing something, and was having difficulty doing so, though Evelyn didn’t know what. To her understanding, what they’d done last night was nothing unusual. In fact, it was probably the most typical human interaction Evelyn had had in years. It was far more typical than their first encounter.

“Physical intimacy is new?” she asked. She noticed Sonnet was having difficulty speaking, so she switched her speech to Japanese - which Evelyn was fluent in, along with quite a few other languages - thinking it might be easier for her. “I would imagine someone of your age would have experienced it already.” She took a sip of her coffee, then stood, tapping her finger against the cup, the metal of the prosthetic clinking against the ceramic. “I would understand, though. I’ve had an...unusual life myself.” The tapping quickened. ”Last night was my first experience with romantic physical intimacy, and I don’t believe I’m having as difficult a time processing it as you are, though I must admit, the aftereffects of the alcohol are making it difficult to think coherently, but I don’t particularly mind,” she said somewhat playfully, a slight smile forming across her face as she brought the cup up to her lips and took another sip.

Sonnet Matsuda

[Sonnet Matsuda]

Shortcut My childhood spat back out the monster that you see + Evelyn Winters

Sonnet can't help but chuckle awkwardly at Evelyn's naivety. Smiling faintly, she turns back to the taller woman. "Physical intimacy isn't new. Not to me anyway. I've kissed… I've fucked…" She trails off, realising that it's probably not the best topic to be getting into right now. Especially since just accepting the mistake would have made things much easier. She really does not want to have this conversation, and yet here she is with no apparent escape route, short of teleportation of course. "But not…" She nods in Evelyn's direction, "Never with… you know…" Apparently struggling to find the word, she drags a hand unconsciously across the worktop, aware of the fact that she's not struggling for the word, just struggling to say it. "Never with a woman." That doesn't seem so bad, but it's just saying it to Evelyn, and every woman has experimented before in her life right? "Yeah… the alcohol is just making things a bit harder right now. I haven't been that drunk in a while. A long time." Not that it's that much of an excuse, but at least if anyone else finds out she has that defence. Finding herself edgy and jittery, she begins to clear things from the countertop. There are several empty bottles and a couple of plates left over from last night. She rinses out the bottles before dropping them into a box she keeps for recycling. She leaves the tap running, filling the sink so she can wash the plates by hand. She could have left them in the dishwasher, but she needs the physical activity to distract her right now. "You can't… you can't tell anyone…"

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[Evelyn Winters]

Sonnet was laughing. That was good. It meant she was no longer distressed. Or at least, not as distressed as she was. Still, her chuckle seemed...strained. There was an edge to it that made Evelyn uncomfortable. Did that mean Sonnet was uncomfortable? Why was Evelyn feeling Sonnet’s emotions? This experience was turning out to be very strange…

”Huh,” she grunted simply. So Sonnet was not new at this. She’d gone as far as having intercourse - something Evelyn and Sonnet hadn’t partaken in, and something Evelyn had no plans to ever partake in. Kissing was fine, but sex was...too much. Just the thought of being that close to someone made her skin crawl.

”Ah,” she said in understanding as Sonnet finally revealed her trepidation. Evelyn was aware of homophobia. It was difficult not to be. Her mother, as a Senator, had fought for LGBTQ+ rights, not because she was truly passionate about the issue, but because she was a Democrat in a blue state; she had to pander to her voter base. At school, she and her brother had gotten a few homophobic slurs hurled at them because of their mother’s stance. That was until Axel and Evelyn decided they wouldn’t stand for insults. What they did to those so called bullies shut them up for good.

As time progressed, so did ideals, and even with Axel being rather unfastidious about his choice in sexual partner when it came to gender, Evelyn rarely encountered any discomfort or prejudice when it came to non-heterosexual pairings. Bigotry when it came to the matter had all but left her mind.

But just because she knew the source of Sonnet’s discomfort didn’t mean she knew why Sonnet felt the way she did. Her perhaps internalized homophobia was a mystery, and there were few things that intrigued Evelyn more than a mystery…

Evelyn nodded. ”I don’t think I’d ever been that drunk in my entire life.” She brought the cup of coffee up to her lips. ”It was an...interesting experience. It continues to be an interesting experience. Certainly...brought down my guards.” She took a sip of her coffee, thinking it likely brought down Sonnet’s guards as well.

She watched with a furrowed brow as Sonnet busied herself with clutter on the counter top - a telling sign that she was still feeling uneasy. She recognized Sonnet’s actions as something she’d done herself. It was an attempt to get out of your head, to distract yourself. This was not good. If she wanted to understand Sonnet’s psyche, understand her discomfort, she needed her to be fully cognizant.

With unusual fluidity for a hungover, one-legged woman, she walked over to the busy Sonnet and grabbed her forearm, gently, but with purpose. She did her best to catch her eye. ”Why are you uncomfortable having physical intimacy with another woman? Why should no one know? Does the Yakuza not approve of such a thing?” She tried to speak softly, empathetically, but doing so was not her strong suit, and she still came off as monotonous and robotic, with just a bit of that tenderness coming through.

She found she quite liked making physical contact with Sonnet, even when sober. This was a strange experience indeed...

Sonnet Matsuda

[Sonnet Matsuda]

Shortcut My childhood spat back out the monster that you see + Evelyn Winters

Unfortunately the conversation does not stop there. Sonnet finds herself pulled from the distraction of her physical activity by a hand on her forearm. Sonnet's dark eyes meet the mismatched ones of Evelyn. It's not for long though and Sonnet pulls her own eyes away, pretending to be concerned about the level of water now in the sink as she flicks the tap off. Even after that task is completed she is still unable to meet the gaze of the other woman. It's true, the Yakuza does not approve of such a thing. Crime may typically operate far ahead of normal society in many ways, but in others it is just as bound by culture. Japan is not as regressive as many of the other countries in that part of Asia, but like many Western countries too, there is still a history of prejudice. Added to that the traditional male dominated nature of the Yakuza and it is not a recipe for success in Sonnet's career, such as it was. She pulls her arm away. "They would not approve." Sighing, Sonnet turns around and away from the sink to meet Evelyn's eyes properly. "My position is precarious enough right now as it is without adding further… complications…" That is very much true, Sonnet is not one to show weakness, but she feels that she needs to present something to stop this line of questioning. Several encounters with Heroes, and an unaccountable attack of conscience have made a dent in the businesses that Sonnet normally runs so efficiently. She doubts Kenshin would care if he discovered that she was involved with a woman, the grey man at the top of their organisation here in New York was rarely concerned about anything that did not affect business. Ando would have taken it as weakness however, and he was already making efforts to muscle in on her territories. "This cannot leave my apartment."

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[Evelyn Winters]

Sonnet’s eyes met with her own. For a moment, she felt her heart flutter. She felt...something. Something warm and burning and bursting with energy. She couldn’t decide if she liked this feeling or not. She was not used to feeling emotions for people. People, besides her brother, were lesser; they were toys to be played with and eventually discarded. But Sonnet was not a toy; she was...human, just like her. Something had happened to Evelyn after her defeat, something she had yet to fully parse. She’d tried drowning it in alcohol, but that was a temporary fix. Here was this something staring her right in the face, and she didn’t know what to do.

All too quickly, Sonnet pulled her eyes away and went back to busying herself - again, Evelyn assumed, trying to escape her own thoughts. Evelyn had half a mind to do the same. But she quickly decided no; she would not back away from this. Whatever she was feeling, whatever change was happening in her, she was going to face it head on. She was no coward - never had been and never would be. She was going to confront this challenge no matter how strange or confusing or uncomfortable it may be.

Evelyn felt pain as Sonnet pulled her arm away - sharp, piercing, yet horribly numb. It was not physical pain, but something deeper, emotional. It was discomfiting. Evelyn did not like it. Part of her was starting to regret this whole intimacy thing, but a much larger part of her very much wanted it to continue.

Her heart, again, beat rapidly inside her chest as Sonnet’s eyes once again met her own, though this time they did not pull away. She listened to her words. There were so many things Evelyn wanted to say to Sonnet. She wanted to tell her she did not have to subject herself to the will of others, that she could be her own person, position be damned. She wanted to tell her to fuck the Yakuza, fuck anyone that would dare tell her what she could or could not do. But she knew it would not get through to her. Perhaps it could be a conversation for another time. Right now, all they had was this moment.

Without thinking, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her, placing her forehead against Sonnet’s. "I believe I've made it clear I'm not accustomed to physical intimacy, but this is...nice. It can stay in this apartment if it must, but I hope the…emotional intimacy will continue outside the walls of this building." That was by far the most romantic thing Evelyn had ever said.

”You don’t have to let anyone hold you back,” she said quietly.

Sonnet Matsuda

[Sonnet Matsuda]

Shortcut My childhood spat back out the monster that you see + Evelyn Winters

Sonnet stiffens as the arms go around her. She certainly hadn't been expecting that. Evelyn hadn't seemed the type to connect physically. As the taller woman talks, Sonnet feels her body relax a little, the stiffness going out of her. A breath rushes out of her at the same time, one she didn't realise she had been holding. Awkwardly, hesitantly, she returns the embrace. There seems to be nothing else to do, that makes it OK right? "I…" She searches for the words, it's not often she's tongue tied like this. English might not be her first language, but she has spoken it since she was thirteen. This feels like she's struggling in a third language. "I don't…" She changes her mind… "Thank you…" Alcohol is no longer clouding her mind. There is a faint haze in the background, the fuzziness of a hangover and a dull ache in her temple that reminds her just how much she drank last night. She's in complete control now, which means there's no excuse she can make as she reaches up to brush Evelyn's hair back from her face, just like last night. She leans forward, just like last night. And, just like last night, she kisses Evelyn.

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